special edition for friends, readers and stalker ( i guess)

listen people. it is better to be alone and lonely rather than to be with many people yet so lonely inside. yup i'm not blessed with good looks like all other people i know. boys only get to know me mostly because they are being dared or desperate during high school :( yup it is based by experiences. sad. but still i surpass that and manage to smile. A LOT. but when it comes to tertiary level. i really thought everything gonna changed.but hey guess what... NO. nothings change. yes maybe the boys are more matured but still the treatment more or less the same. recently, i've been walking with one of my friends and we met a guy from tesl family and he only greeted my friend, he did not even give me one we-knew-each-other look.T__T. if any of you out there think that this is small matter. sorry not for me. i've been discriminated because of physical appearance for my whole life. yup FOR MY WHOLE LIFE. but hey still i managed to find a smile. i kept thinking life is short, why must i waste on something that are trivial. you know what. it is so painful when all the opposite genders wooing your entire clan except for you, it is hard when you have done something you think can be proud of yet other people do not even look at you with half their eyes let alone impress lah kan. it is sad when your lecturers value their students based on look first but IQ fall to number 2. it is of course freaking boring when you ask for favor other people like make that boring face and kompem dlm ati diorg 'ek eleh bdk ni pehal' but when it comes to your more attractive friends he just do it willingly with silly smile on his face. there is one more that is the most painful of all is when you walk around the mall and you were given pamphlet of slimming pills or course. not once but twice and sometimes more. why do people need to value physical appearance so much? it will not last forever. they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. i say. bullshit. beauty is in the face and the body. you got great body with good face. surely your life will be easy girl no need to worry anymore. it is people like me that have to struggle to make life happier. i don't care what you pretty people say whether they have their own issue. fuck korglah. i do not care.

okay tu satu hal. now this is another one. i need to confess something. i am nobody. yup nobody. when i said i am nobody which means i do not bring any meaning to my friend and most people around me. when it comes to this situation it refer to as i stated tadi. sometimes i wish, i want to vanish for like a week and i want to see if i means anything to my friends. i'm sorry friends out there who actually read this. if you feel offended. but i'm just saying. yeah being alone when many people suround you is more sadistic i may say. you are only needed when you are needed. when it is your time.. oops i forgot. there will be no faizun nisaq's time. there only their time that i have to take care off. you can label me sensitive you can label me paranoid. but as a normal human being we have the ability of feelings and senses. when those senses sense something amiss feeling will actually interpret it. yeah friends. do not want to talk much as i know i will regret it later on but still not that excited with you friends right now. you are just nowhere to be found when it is my time but somehow you can find me when it comes to your times. it is just my luck maybe. friends here are referring to general to whoever that ever known or even heard of the name faizun nisaq sulman. yup there she is. sometimes even happy camouflage can never mend the lonely heart. to all my friend thanks for being my friends, i know i am not a perfect friends either. i'm just sad and you're just not there at the sad valley with me. but still thank you for being my friends.

well end here i suppose. so hungry and tired :) pon because of friends. a hungry man is an angry man. so better tido lagi baik.


footnote: my friend whoever read this i'm just saying i'm sorry for letting it all out. if and only if you read it my friend.

footnote: seriously. IT IS right from the bottom of my heart.